For millennia, humanity solved a complex problem: transforming a dependent child into an adult capable of navigating the world on their own. It did so without manuals or adults organizing every single minute of childhood. Today, we have more information about child development than ever before, and yet, parenting seems increasingly difficult.

The OECD explains this as a surge in demands regarding what it means to be a “good parent.” This so-called “intensive parenting” involves dedicating more time and attention to each child, anticipating their difficulties, and controlling nearly all of their experiences. This ideal even influences decisions to delay or forego motherhood and fatherhood altogether.

While adults feel responsible for intervening in everything, children have fewer opportunities to act independently. Afternoons are programmed, free play is losing ground, and every outing requires supervision. We reduce risks, but we also diminish the opportunities for them to learn how to face those risks.

Various specialists suggest the same. Sarah Blaffer Hrdy explains that our species evolved thanks to shared caregiving, where grandparents, neighbors, aunts, uncles, and other adults shared the responsibility of raising children. Michael Tomasello argues that a large portion of learning happens among peers: through playing, negotiating rules, and resolving conflicts. Alison Gopnik agrees: children learn by exploring rather than following instructions.

Play was never a pause from learning; on the contrary, it was the laboratory where our species developed autonomy, cooperation, and critical judgment.

Peter Gray poses a provocative hypothesis: the decline in children’s mental health began before the smartphone, when free play and independence decreased. Screens didn’t create that void; they merely filled it.

In Chile, the debate on childhood has focused on cell phones and social media. This is necessary, but insufficient. The question is not only how we regulate technology, but how much space we leave for children to explore, make mistakes, and learn from one another without constant adult oversight.

The Netherlands and Denmark lead in child well-being according to UNICEF. They didn’t eliminate technology; they preserved environments where children can walk to school, play with friends, and explore independently. In contrast, in our country, one in three children feels unsafe walking alone near their home or school. Parks are emptying, and opportunities to practice autonomy are shrinking.

Regulating cell phones may be part of the answer. However, it would be paradoxical if, faced with an increasingly complex world, our only strategy were restriction. A society does not prepare its children for the future by eliminating all uncertainty. It prepares them by giving them opportunities to develop judgment, autonomy, and confidence in a world that no adult can anticipate for them.

Mónica Retamal F.

Executive Director at Kodea